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It’s time we heal from the ideals of unworthiness.

Recently, a chain of events took place on television. First, the hearings of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson played out live in front of millions. Next, who can forget the debacle that played out between Will Smith and Chris Rock?

As I watched both events play out, it felt like another hit for Black women. Or perhaps, it felt like another hit for me.

In both events, watching women who represents me and my ancestors, I imagined what they felt in the moment.

Sitting in chairs with the world watching while having to keep their composure, though what was regarded as “a joke” or “the norm for a court nominee” felt like darts speeding through the hearts of the identity of Black women around the world.

I took my thoughts to TikTok and the responses were wild.

The responses were the exact thoughts from around the world I read that made me create the post. In the post, I simply say, “Is anyone going to ask if Jada Pinkett is ok? How about Judge Ketanji? Or must we just live by the false narrative that being a strong black woman means we are these non-human, emotionless, immortal beings who don’t mind being punching bags over and over?”

I received backlash such as:

  • Ok. She has not even supported her husband publicly who defended her.
  • Jada cheated on Will and talked about it on TV, she’s got some nerve.
  • Again, why has this become about the colour of someone’s skin!!! It was a black man who said the joke!
  • She (Jada) is a demon.


This is a season for healing. In many of these responses, what I see are the harmful values of individuals who believe we must try to find meaning in all events that are negative and attach it to the identity of the person.

To believe negative or hurtful events happening to someone are deserved and they are unworthy of grace, compassion, and love may damage their self-identity.

The biggest mistake we can make is believing our past decisions, good or bad, allow others to treat us in such a way that dishonors our being.

Believing that others are not deserving of compassion, just in the plight of being a human being, speaks to the season of healing that must happen in this moment for all.

Furthermore, the plight that Black women are not allowed to identify with the feelings of other Black women is more cause for healing by others.

Lastly, the idea that Black women need permission before having feelings of rejection, pain, hurt, or trauma, even on behalf of a Black man, is why a bigger discussion is necessary beyond this post.


In our lives, there may be glimpses of unworthiness. You may see unworthiness played out in the decisions you make.

Perhaps you don’t feel worthy of love so when a good relationship comes your way, you take off.

Maybe you weren’t fully loved as a child so you don’t feel worthy of companionship.

To begin healing from feelings of unworthiness, here are the steps you can follow.

  • Acknowledge you have feelings of unworthiness
  • Identify areas of your life where you have feelings of unworthiness
  • Explain how these feelings show up in your life
  • Acknowledge experiences and facts saying you’re worthy of all you deserve and desire

Those who remain in a state of feeling unworthy have a higher experience of self-neglect. Even if the behaviors of others say you’re unworthy, knowing yourself and your values can cut through the noise of others.


One of the wisest things I’ve heard is, “nothing has meaning until we give it meaning”.

As I observed both the Will and Jada debacle and the Judge Ketanji hearing, I wondered if I was putting too much meaning to the events.

Am I thinking too much into something that’s actually nothing? Am I being too much? Am I being too sensitive?

Once I thought about the answers, they were all “No”. As a woman, and a Black woman, I have experiences that prevents me from living in a bubble. If I could go live on Mars, maybe I would, but I’m here on Earth for the moment.

That means, when I see people who look like me in my neighborhood or on television who have to hold their breath to get past the rejection, ridicule, neglect, and lack of compassion and care, I too hold my breath with them.

It is a sacred breath that many other genders and races may never understand. There may always be push-back for the honest feelings of Black women who are tired of holding up the ‘Strong Black Woman’ narrative twenty-four hours a day.

As such, Black women are worthy. Worthy to live life in their truth. Worthy to be free. Worthy of being celebrated. Worthy for being.

What we shall remember is that the problem is not that Black women aren’t worthy. The problem is other people who believe that false narrative. Leave their ideals to themselves and let’s heal. You’re worthy.

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